


Best Thing I Never Had

by buttercup_90



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:27:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercup_90/pseuds/buttercup_90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy hadn't seen each other in months, not since it happened. No one knows what happened between them, but they're about to find out. Modern au. I do not own the 100 or any characters in this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! I know I still have to update Loss of a friend, but I got inspired to write a new fic. Please review, I hope you enjoy it :)

**Chapter One – The Unexpected**

_**Bellamy** _

The bell signalling the end of the day finally rang, much to Bellamy's delight and he watched as his students began to pack up their belongings.

"Alright everyone, I want you to read chapter ten and eleven for Monday and there will be a quiz so if I were you, I'd read." He was met with groans from the majority of his students.

"Oh and before I forget, anyone who still has to pay their money for Rome, the deadline is next Wednesday and I know there's a few of you still left to pay; and I know none of you want to miss out on four days of your favourite teachers pointing out historical inaccuracies with the tour guides." His students smiled sarcastically as they attempted to leave the place they called 'hell'.

Bellamy began to clean his board when he heard the small cough of one of his students still left to leave, he turned and found the new transfer, Charlotte, stood awkwardly in front of his desk.

"Is everything ok, Charlotte?"

"Sir, I don't have a copy of the book and the woman at reception said that they won't be getting anymore in until next semester. Also, I haven't read the first six chapters." Charlotte smiled softly.

"I think I may have a copy you can borrow, you're very lucky, you'll also have my annotations." Bellamy opened his desk drawer and found his copy under a pile of exam papers.

"Are you sure, I can ask someone to send me their notes?" Bellamy chuckled and handed over his book.

"I insist, I wouldn't want you to miss out on my amazing quiz." Charlotte rolled her eyes and smiled politely. She began to walk out of the room but noticed an envelope in between to pages.

"Oh, sir, I think you gave me this by mistake." Bellamy looked quizzically at the envelope as Charlotte handed it over the desk.

"Thanks." Charlotte smiled as she turned to leave; Bellamy waited until the young girl had left the room before opening the envelope. He felt his heart skip a beat as he found the photo inside, he ran his thumb over the picture and sighed loudly; Bellamy dropped into his chair and placed the paper on his desk, as he rubbed his hand over his face, the young teacher couldn't help but think about how different his life could've been.

"You are seriously such a bad friend." Bellamy was pulled away from his thoughts when his colleague and friend, Emori, surged into his classroom, he quickly covered the photo on his desk.

"What?"

"You're so called 'amazing' friend that you set me up with, never showed!" Bellamy couldn't help but laugh and dodged the book Emori threw in his direction.

"Hey, it's not my fault don't take it out on me. If it makes you feel any better, the girl you set me up with was already pissed when I got there and threw up on me after ten minutes." Emori smirked.

"You're right, that does make me feel better, but you still owe me a beer. Come on, we're all meeting at Grounders in twenty minutes." Bellamy stood to gather his belongings and groaned at the mention of a group outing.

"I think I'll skip this one, maybe next time."

"You said that the last time, in fact, that's all you've said lately. We all miss you, even Clarke and we both know how unbelievable that is." He scoffed, hoping that it didn't sound too forced.

"I'm sure you'll all survive one more night without me." With his bag on his shoulder, and the picture securely inside, Bellamy made his way over to the door, only to be stopped by Emori blocking his exit.

"Nope, not happening. You're going to drive to your apartment in your car, I'll follow you in my car and then I'll drive you to Grounders. We're all going to have a good time and you're going to enjoy it. Do you understand me, Blake?" Bellamy nodded quickly.

Emori waited whilst he locked his classroom door and they walked outside to their cars, Bellamy waved as he entered his car and tried desperately to think of an excuse to get him out of the night. He hadn't seen a lot of his friends in months. He hadn't seen Clarke in months, he thought it was best to keep his distance.

Fifteen minutes later, he had a beer in his hand and was wedged between thing one and thing two, also known as Jasper and Monty, but the blonde princess was nowhere to be seen.

_**Clarke** _

"Clarke, are you even listening to me?" Her mother's voice boomed through the phone causing Clarke to spill the coffee she was carrying, onto a customer.

"I am so sorry, Sir, let me get you a towel." Clarke jogged into the kitchen and quickly returned with a towel, smiling apologetically at the man before continuing the conversation with her mother.

"I'm at work, can't this wait?" She heard her name being called from behind the counter and saw Lincoln signalling that it was time to leave.

"All I want you to do is come and meet him, he's perfect for you, sweetheart." Clarke rolled her eyes and removed her apron and threw it onto the chair in the corner of the kitchen, watching as a piece of paper fell to the floor.

"I'm sure he is, but right now, I've got to go. I love you, mom." She hung up before her mother could protest. Clarke walked over to the piece of paper and picked it up, she froze as she realised what it was. The blonde ran her finger over the picture and sighed.

Clarke heard the kitchen door open and she placed the photo in her bag, she turned to find Lincoln stood staring at her.

"Come on, we're going to be late." Clarke joked, she walked passed the tall man and asked Glass to lock up before she left.

The drive to Grounders was short, but it felt like hours; Clarke couldn't stop thinking about the picture she had found, she'd forgotten that she had put it in the pocket of her apron, she still thought about it every day, but seeing it made it even worse.

"…and then I'm going to fly to the moon on my purple unicorn and eat moon cheese." The sound of Lincoln's voice pulled her away from her thoughts.

"I really don't know what Octavia sees in you."

"Oh, so you are paying attention. So you heard me say that I'm going to propose to Octavia?"

"Yes, of course I… Wait, what?" Clarke screamed leaning across to circle her arms around the man who was about to spend the rest of his life with her best friend.

"I'm driving!" She quickly moved back still smiling.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so happy for you, both of you." Lincoln laughed and pulled up outside Grounders, he and Clarke left the car and started to make their way inside.

"I haven't asked her yet, so try and keep it to yourself. Plus, I still need to speak to Bellamy about it, which I'm hoping I can do tonight." The pair made their way over to the bar and ordered their usual, beer and vodka coke.

"Bellamy's coming tonight?" Lincoln turned round and scanned the room, Clarke watched him wave at someone near the back, who she assumed was Octavia.

"Yeah, he's back there. Is that a problem?" He paid the bartender and passed Clarke her drink.

"No, of course not. I just haven't seen him here for a while, that's all." She took a sip of her drink and followed Lincoln to the back of the room where their friends were.

The first eyes she met were Bellamy's, her breath hitched and she quickly turned to look at the others on the table. It was more difficult than she thought it would be to see him.


	2. The Sadness That Followed

Chapter Two – The Sadness That Followed

**_Bellamy_ **

Clarke avoided making eye contact with Bellamy for the majority of the night and he knew why, it still hurt. He made his way over to the bar to talk to Miller but saw that he was already talking to Monty; Bellamy turned to go back to the table when he walked into someone.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where…” He stopped once he realised that it was Clarke who he had walked into.

“It’s fine.” She smiled softly. They both stood awkwardly waiting for the other to speak.

“I think I’m going to go, will you tell Tavia that I have some work to do at home?” Bellamy scratched the back of his neck and avoided her eyes, she could always tell when he was lying.

“You don’t have to leave, I was already going anyway, early start tomorrow.” The blonde moved passed him but he couldn’t let her leave.

“We can’t keep doing this Clarke, avoiding each other, it’s not going to work.” Clarke stared at him and he believed that she might stay; but she didn’t, Clarke turned and left, leaving him stood staring at the door.

“Hey, Bell, have you seen Clarke?” He heard his sister speak behind him, Bellamy turned to face her.

“She just left, something about an early start.” He began to walk back to their table but was stopped by his sister blocking his path.

“That’s bull and you know it. You two have been avoiding each other for months and as your sister, I demand to know why.” Bellamy had always admired how forward Octavia was with people but at that moment, he hated it.

“Nothing’s wrong with us, we just don’t have as many arguments, end of discussion.” Once again he tried to move and was prevented by his annoying younger sibling.

“Will you please move!”

“Tell me what’s wrong with you and Clarke!”

“I can’t tell you!” Octavia smirked and crossed her arms.

“I knew there was something! Tell me!” Bellamy rubbed his hand across his face and sighed.

“Octavia, just drop it. Please.” The youngest Blake shrugged her shoulders and turned back towards the table.

*

**_Clarke_ **

Clarke sighed as she entered her apartment, she had regretted going to the bar the moment that she saw Bellamy. She dumped her bag on the couch and pressed play on her answering machine.

“Hey, Clarke, it’s Wick. I hope your mom told you about me or this message is going to sound extremely weird. Abby gave me your number and told me to give you a call, so here I am. Anyway, give me a call back or not. Ok, bye.”

She shook her head, her mother really had boundary issues. Clarke had never told her mom about what had happened with Bellamy, she always believed that Abby would judge her and wouldn’t understand.

“Clarke Griffin, I cannot believe you just left tonight without saying goodbye, and I cannot believe you didn’t tell me that something happened between you and my brother. Oh, Jasper’s buying shots, I’ve got to go, call me. Love you.”

Clarke felt like she had forgotten how to breathe, they had promised never to speak about it again and to never mention it to any of their friends, especially his sister. She rummaged through her bag and found her phone, calling a number that she hadn’t dialled in months.

“Hello.”

*

**_Bellamy_ **

He had just finished his fourth beer when Lincoln sat down beside him, they sat in silence and Bellamy noticed how Lincoln couldn’t seem to sit still.

“You going to ask me or what?” Bellamy spoke without taking his eyes off of his friends at the bar, smiling as Miller attempted to slyly spend time with Monty.

“Ask you what?”

“Whether you have my permission to marry Octavia.” He laughed as he heard the man beside him stutter.

“How…”

“I found the ring the other week when we were watching the game at yours. Although I must admit, hiding the ring where the cleaning supplies are, genius.” Bellamy turned to face Lincoln, smiling at how shocked he looked.

“So I’m guessing that because you haven’t punched me that I can ask her?”

“Welcome to the family.” The cheerful moment was brought an abrupt end when Bellamy’s phone began to ring; his smile dropped, along with his stomach, as he saw the word _Princess_ flash across the screen. He made an excuse to Lincoln and made his way towards the exit, quickly, and answered before she hung up.

“Hello.” His voice quiet.

“How could you? You promised me that you wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened.” To say that Bellamy was confused was an understatement.

“What are you talking about, I haven’t said a word to anyone.”

“Octavia left me a message saying that she can’t believe that I didn’t tell her something happened between us, which sort of indicates that you told her something happened.” He could hear the venom in her voice.

“No, Octavia believed that I was the reason why you left early and started assuming that something has gone on between us. Ok, maybe I slipped up and said that there was something that I can’t tell her, but I swear on her life that I never told her.” Bellamy slumped against the outside wall of the bar.

“Oh.”

“God I’ve missed hearing your voice.” The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them.

“Bellamy, don’t.” Her voice barely audible.

“I know, I just… Forget it.” The conversation grew silent; he heard footsteps coming from the stairs leading out of the bar and saw Emori emerging.

“Listen, I’ve got to go.” Emori raised her eyebrows at him and he turned away from her.

“Yeah, ok… I’m sorry for assuming that you’d…”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Goodbye, Bellamy.”

“Goodbye, Princess.” He ended the call and slowly turned to face his friend.

“Princess? We’re you just talking to Clarke?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He muttered as he walked back into the bar.

*

**_Clarke_ **

Clarke placed her phone down on the seat beside her, trying to ignore how the nickname made her heart skip a beat. She attempted to distract herself by watching reruns of _Friends_ for the thousandth time, but her eyes constantly strayed from the screen to her bag. The photograph which sat in her bag flashing in her mind; she had thought about the photo everyday but seeing it lay on the kitchen floor of the café, made it seem real.

They had only gotten two copies, one for her and one for Bellamy; she didn’t even know if Bellamy had kept his after it happened. She wouldn’t blame him if he had, Clarke thought she had gotten rid of hers, obviously not.

Life had been so much easier for Clarke before the photo, the café was doing well and she had started to sell her artwork to actual collectors rather than the café customers. Everything was good, and then the photo happened, she knew it was going to change her life, but she didn’t realise how much. She was still selling her paintings and the café was still booming, but there was something extra, something she had started to become excited about, until it was gone.


	3. If I Could Go Back...

Chapter Three – If I Could Go Back…

_Flashback_

**_Bellamy_ **

He could remember the first time it had happened, they’d both drunk far too much and gotten into yet another argument. That time it had been different, the large amount of alcohol running through their veins mixing with their anger had made them ‘irresistible’ to each other. That’s how the unhealthy agreement started, when either one of them was pissed at the world, or each other, they’d have sex and let out their frustration, but when it was over, they’d begin arguing and hating each other again.

Bellamy was sitting on Clarke’s couch after yet another round ‘stress relief’, she had fallen asleep and he had taken it upon himself not to be next to her when she woke up, cuddling was not a part of their deal.

“Bellamy Blake, the only man who would leave a naked woman in bed to grade papers, you sure you’re not gay?” He turned to find Clarke stood in the doorway, grinning.

“You’re really questioning my sexuality after what we did in there?” He smirked back.

“Touché.” She moved into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“It’s ok, I didn’t want any, thanks for the offer though.” Bellamy didn’t have to look at her to know that she would be rolling her eyes.

“You’ve usually left by now, why are you still here?”

“I just love being in your presence.”

“Thanks for the sarcasm, but really, why are you still here?”

“I have papers to grade, you made a comment about it earlier, or did your blonde little head forget about that?” She strode over to him and threw a stack of papers into his bag and spoke without making eye contact.

“You obviously haven’t understood what I was saying, let me rephrase it, leave.” Clarke threw his bag at his chest and walked to the door and opened it.

“Come on princess.”

“Did my blonde little head stutter? Get out.” He rolled his eyes and walked through the open door and felt the breeze as it slammed shut behind him.

 

**Octavia – 22:33**

**Not dead, staying at Lincoln’s, see you when you’re back from the mystery woman’s house x**

**Bellamy – 01:21**

**K x**

**Octavia – 01:21**

**Bitch you did not just ‘K’ me, I’m guessing you and your girl argued again x**

**Bellamy – 01:22**

**Sorry, love you O x**

**Octavia – 01:22**

**Hm, love you too x**

**_Clarke_ **

Unlike most people, Clarke loved Mondays, Lincoln agreed to open the café so Clarke could sleep in, but today, she was woken by her phone buzzing, loudly, on her bedside table. She wasn’t annoyed until she saw the name _Bellamy_ flash across her screen.

“What?”

“The next time you have a hissy fit and throw me out of your apartment can you at least put all of my shit in my bag?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” She sat up and moved her hair out of her eyes.

“Half of my essays are missing and I’m going to be observed in an hour, I need those essays princess.” Clarke groaned and moved out of her bed and into the lounge, instantly noticing the papers on her table.

“Bite me, Blake. I’ll drop them off at reception.” She moved to put her shoes on and remembered that she was still in her pyjamas and went back to her room to change.

“No, there’s no one on reception today, you’ll have to bring them to my classroom.” She groaned again whilst trying to fall as she pulled up her jeans.

“Fine, give me twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“Clarke? You really are desperate.” The line went dead, she placed her phone in her pocket, picked up the papers and her keys and headed out to her car.

Less than twenty minutes later, she had arrived at the high school and supressed yet another yawn, she hadn’t gotten much sleep after arguing with Bellamy.

 

**Clarke – 09:11**

**Bellamy – 09:12**

**Find humanities, second room, left**

Clarke walked around the school for ten minutes before deciding to text Bellamy to tell him she was lost. After two minutes with no reply, she headed back towards the entrance when she ran into a colourful object.

“I am so sorry.” She helped the other woman pick up her supplies and noticed that it was mainly paint.

“It’s ok, I was too busy thinking about the different ways to hurt my friend, who I might add was supposed to help me move all of this… I’m rambling again, I’m Emori.” She stuck out her hand and the blonde took it.

“Clarke.”

“So what brings you to our little piece of hell, Clarke?” Clarke stood and helped Emori off of the floor with the box in her arms.

“I’m actually looking for Bellamy Blake’s room.”

“No kidding, that’s the friend I’m planning on hurting.” They both laughed and Emori continued.

“Mind me asking why you’re looking for him?”

“He left some of his papers at my house last night, I’m just dropping them off. Well, trying to.” She smiled.

“Blake never said he had a girlfriend, I can’t believe…”

“We’re not together.”

“You’re not?”

“God no, we can barely stand to be in the same room as each other.” Emori smirked and started to move past Clarke.

“Oh, I see. You’re not _together_. His room is down this corridor, I’ll come with you.” They both continued walking.

“Why did you say together like that?”

“I get it, you’re not together but you are occasionally. I’m not judging you, I have one of those relationships myself.” Clarke was speechless and stood frozen whilst Emori walked further down the corridor, she had never met anyone like her before.

“It’s not… We don’t.”

“It’s ok, I never took Blake as the relationship type of person, and I’d have been more shocked if you were his girlfriend.” Emori opened a classroom door and walked inside, Clarke swiftly followed.

“Thank you so much for all your help, Blake. I really appreciate it.” Emori joked. Clarke didn’t hear his response as she was too busy trying not to laugh at the fact that Bellamy was currently wearing glasses.

“…and you left poor Clarke here to wonder round by herself.” Emori turned and smiled at her.

“You got my papers?”

“Hello to you too Bellamy, you’re welcome.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Technically it was your fault in the first place, princess.” Before she could answer, Emori cut in.

“Wait, this is the princess. He never shuts up about you, I’d say it was all positive but it really wasn’t.” Clarke was confused, Bellamy spoke about her, and even though it wasn’t all positive he still spoke about her.

“Shut up, Emori.”

“Here are your essays. Next time, try not to be a dick and maybe I won’t kick you out with only half of your work.” Clarke spat, she passed Bellamy the paper and walked out of the classroom. She heard Emori laughing and someone running after her, an arm was thrown over her shoulder and she saw Emori smiling.

“I think you and me are going to get on swimmingly.” Clarke smiled and nodded in a agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since I last posted, this is just a quick chapter and I should update again much sooner. Keeping leaving comments and kudos. Thanks for reading :)


	4. What Went Wrong?

What Went Wrong?

_Flashback_

“Shit.”

Clarke had sat in the toilet at work for ten minutes and couldn’t move, she stared down at the stick in her hand, the two pink lines staring back at her. She had repeated the word ‘shit’ more times in the past ten minutes than she had in her entire life. There was a knock at the door.

“Clarke, are you alright in there?” She heard Lincoln’s voice through the wooden door.

“Linc, I think I’m sick, can you cover for me?” She rasped.

“Yeah, do you want me to stop by later and bring you anything?” Clarke panicked.

“No, I just need some sleep. Thanks though.”

“Ok, text me if you need me.”

“Will do.” She fumbled in her pocket for her phone and found Bellamy’s name.

 

**Clarke – 13:45**

**When you do you finish work?**

**Bellamy – 13:46**

**If you would’ve listened, you would know that I had a half day today, finished over an hour ago**

**Bellamy – 13:46**

**Why? You ready for round 2 ;)**

Any other day, she would have rolled her eyes, but today she couldn’t even think straight.

**Clarke – 13:47**

**My place, thirty minutes**

**Bellamy – 13:48**

**Knew you loved me really, princess**

Thirty minutes passed and Clarke was pacing around her apartment, she had told the idiot to be at her house in thirty minutes and he was once again late. Clarke started to panic about what else he would be late for, the first ultrasound, the birth, the first day of school, graduation; she felt as though she would be sick as a knock sounded through the room, she flung the door open and found Bellamy smirking.

“You’re late.” He stepped forward and cupped her cheek leaning forward to kiss her, Clarke almost fell into their usual routine before remembering why she had asked him to come and see her; she pushed him away and watched as his face changed from cockiness to confusion.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“We need to talk.” Clarke shut the door behind Bellamy and walked into the kitchen, he followed hastily.

“That’s funny, that’s usually the cliché sentence you use when you want to break up and the last time I checked, we weren’t in a relationship.” He smirked.

“Wait, is that the talk you want to have? You want to declare your love for…”

“I’m pregnant.” Clarke watched as he attempted to speak several times but constantly failed. After a few minutes of silence Bellamy turned towards the door and left, Clarke could feel the tears building as she sank to the floor.

Clarke only moved to retrieve a tub of ice-cream and leaned against the cupboard, she contemplated texting Raven but that would take a lot more explaining than she had the energy for. Three quarters of a tub later, the front door opened and in walked Bellamy, looking frazzled.

“Clarke, you here?” She contemplated staying quiet and hoping that he’d just leave, but he found her slumped on the floor with chocolate ice-cream stained on her jumper.

“What?” Clarke snapped, she watched as he looked everywhere but at her. She rose to her feet and turned to face the sink, washing the same spoon over and over again until she worked up the courage to speak again.

“You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore when you walked out of that door…”

“Clarke…”

“I mean, you could’ve at least said something…”

“Clarke…”

“Anything at all, I even would’ve settled for a sarcastic comment…”

“Clarke!” Bellamy’s voice startled her and forced her to turn around and face him. However, when she turned around, expecting to be face to face with him, she found him knelt on one knee with a red velvet box containing a sparkling diamond ring.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Bellamy held up his hand to silence her.

“I left because I had to go to my mom’s to get this, it was my grandmother’s; I was always raised to take responsibility for my actions and this is what I will continue to do. Clarke Griffin, will you marry me?” Clarke scoffed and left Bellamy kneeling on the ground.

“I ask you to marry me and you walk away, what the hell?” He followed her into her room and watched her pace back and forth.

“You weren’t asking me to marry you, you were _taking responsibility for your actions,_ which actually means covering up your mistakes.”

“I didn’t mean that and you know I didn’t.” She stopped to face him.

“Then tell me the truth Bellamy, do you honestly want to marry me?”

“Yes, for the baby’s sake.” Clarke held her head in her hands and tried to stay calm.

“Do you hear yourself Bellamy? You want to marry me because I’m carrying your baby. God, we don’t even know if I’m actually pregnant yet, this could all be for nothing.” She was hysterical.

“Then we’ll make an appointment and find out, then you can consider my offer more thoroughly.” Her head snapped up.

“What is this, a business deal?”

“Will you stop twisting my words?” She walked towards him, pushed him out of her bedroom, slammed the door shut and leaned against it. After minutes of silence she heard Bellamy speak.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” She asked, wiping away her tears.

“For giving you the shitest marriage proposal known to man.” They both laughed from either side of the door.

“If I really am pregnant, I need to know something.”

“Anything.”

“You won’t leave me to do this alone.”

“Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“Open the door?” Clarke placed her hand on the handle and hesitated momentarily, she slowly opened the door and faced Bellamy. He pulled her into his arms and cradled the back of her head with his hand and kissed the top of her head.

“There is no way on this earth that I would abandon you or our child. We may not always get along but I would never leave you to do this alone, I’m not that guy.” Clarke sighed and looked up at him.

“I know you’re not, I didn’t mean to suggest that you were.” They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Bellamy moved away, awkwardly.

“So we’ll get an appointment booked and go from there I guess?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” They stood there awkwardly until Clarke realised something.

“Wait, you said you went to your mom’s to get the ring, did you tell her?”

“God no, she doesn’t actually know that I have the ring, I said that I needed one of my old books for my class.” Clarke snorted.

“Nerd.” He smiled.

_One Week Later_

“So I have a confession.” Bellamy spoke as Clarke was cleaning up from her first sonogram, he was staring at the baby wall trying to give her some privacy.

“Oh God, what?”

“I Googled.” He heard Clarke laugh behind him.

“I knew you’d be the one to cave first.” He rolled his eyes.

“I wanted to know about anything that could go wrong at the first scan, you don’t want to know what I found.”

“I was right, you are a nerd.” He smiled. The sonographer entered the room and smiled at the pair.

“So I’ve booked you in for your twenty week scan, and then we’ll be able to see the baby more.”

“But you can’t see anything wrong now though?”

“No, everything’s fine, there’s no need to worry Clarke. So I’ll see you both in a few weeks, any complications or concerns, don’t be afraid to call and congratulations to you both.”

“Thank you.” They both replied. As they were about to leave, the sonographer stopped them.

“Oh, I almost forgot, your sonogram pictures.” She handed them to Bellamy and he smile filled his face.

As they left the building, Clarke glanced at Bellamy and saw how happy he was staring at the picture, Clarke always believed that the smile was reserved for Octavia, apparently not.

“He looks so small.”

“He?”

“Oh, the baby’s definitely a boy, got to keep the Blake family going.” Clarke could picture a mini Bellamy running around, his little curls bobbing along as he ran, brown freckles covering his face. She shook away the thought and pretended that she didn’t imagine how Bellamy was holding her watching their child playing.

“And what if it’s a girl?” Bellamy smiled.

“Then I’m in trouble.” Clarke was confused.

“Why?”

“If she has the looks of her mother, I’ll be scaring away many boys who will be nowhere near good enough for my little girl.” Clarke was speechless, was she still imagining things or did Bellamy just say that she was good looking?

“Yeah.”

“Clarke, you ok?” She stared at him and tried to figure out what he was thinking.

“I’m starving, shall we get some lunch?” She pretended as though he hadn’t just given her a compliment, the only compliment that she had ever received from the eldest Blake. He smiled back at her and made his way over to his truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I think the next few are still going to be flashbacks and then I'll go back to the present. Keep commenting :)


	5. More than Life

More than Life

_Flashback_

_**Clarke** _

 

**Bellamy – 04:22**

**Zeus**

 

Clarke groaned as she glanced at her phone, this was the seventh name Bellamy had suggested since the first scan.

 

**Clarke – 04:24**

**Stop. Tired. Sleep. Nerd**

 

She rolled over and shut her eyes. A buzz woke her minutes later and she instantly regretted ever setting her phone to vibrate.

 

**Bellamy – 04:26**

**Hades Blake sounds amazing, don't you think?**

 

**Clarke – 04:27**

**I will hurt you Blake.**

 

Clarke turned her phone onto silent and finally fell back to sleep. When Clarke woke up she hastily checked her phone and was shocked to find only four more messages.

 

**Bellamy – 04:28**

**Sorry, I'm just excited**

 

**Bellamy – 04:30**

**You're probably asleep now so I'll just stop**

 

**Bellamy – 04:34**

**Why can't I fall to sleep, I have a class at eight**

 

**Bellamy – 04:36**

**Help.**

 

She couldn't help but smile at his goofiness, they hadn't talked about everything properly, but they were getting there.

"Clarke." She heard her mother's voice through her bedroom door. She rose to her feet and felt the urgent need to be sick.

"Hold on." She ran straight to the bathroom and thanked the lord for en suites.

"Clarke honey, is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine." Clarke heard her bedroom door open and footsteps getting closer to her bathroom door.

"Are you ill?" She squirmed.

"Dodgy Chinese, what's up Mom?" Clarke wiped her mouth and tried to catch her breath.

"I was hoping you would join me at Mr Jaha's mayoral campaign party, he hasn't seen you in so long?" She rolled her eyes and rose from the floor.

"I have to go to the café mom, it's almost rush hour."

"Luckily for you, it's tomorrow night." Clarke walked forward and opened the door, she immediately saw her mom smiling hopefully.

"One hour and then I'm leaving." Her mother smiled falsely.

"It's a start."

 

_**Bellamy** _

Coffee. He was in desperate need of coffee, he believed it was a good idea to stay awake until five thinking of names for his and Clarke's baby. He couldn't get used to it, his and Clarke's _baby_. Bellamy kept going through the same routine, happiness, denial, happiness again and utter fear of how Octavia would react.

"Excuse me, Mr Blake?" He lifted his head and found Clarke stood at the door.

"What're you doing here?" Bellamy could feel a smile spreading across his face no matter how much he tried to stop it.

"Should I leave or…"

"No, I just didn't expect you that's all."

"Well I was in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd come by and I brought you a present." She placed a travel cup on his desk and smiled sweetly.

"Did you bring me coffee?" Bellamy smiled.

"Extra shot of espresso and two sweeteners, just the way you like it."

Bellamy took the cup and took a sip, humming as the hot liquid travelled down his throat.

"Hmm, I don't think I've ever loved you more." He saw Clarke's eyes grow wide and realised what he had just said.

"Not that I've ever loved you, I mean I love you like a friend, well really like you as a friend, I mean, the sex is pretty awesome, oh God please stop me." He heard Clarke laugh and let out a breath which he didn't know he was holding.

"Well isn't this cosy?" Bellamy snapped his head towards the sound and found Emori stood smirking at his classroom door.

"Hot chocolate with extra cream and sprinkles, right?" He watched as Clarke handed over another cup to Emori and smiled once again.

"Aww, you remembered." Emori joked.

"You two are pretty close then," Bellamy smirked.

"Well we both have to put up with you so…" Bellamy looked quizzically at Clarke but she shook her head.

"Shit, I haven't set up for my next class, see you later nerd. Bye Clarke." Emori smiled sweetly at Clarke and left the room.

"You know, for a second there I thought-"

"God no, I haven't told anyone, it's too risky at this stage." They both smiled. The bell rang and pulled them out of their moment, he couldn't believe he was having moments with this girl.

"Well I better get going, I'll see you at the appointment tomorrow right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." His students started flooding in the classroom, staring at Clarke as the pulled out their books. She smiled as she stepped out of the room.

"Sir, is that your girlfriend?" The whole classed laughed and 'oohed'.

"Alright, settle down. Now for that, we're having a surprise pop quiz and you all have Mister James to thank for that." The class moaned and began throwing paper balls and their classmate.

 

_**The Next Day** _

Bellamy held the picture in his hand and his sat on the floor, he'd been there since they'd returned from the hospital. He leant his head against the door and listened to the shower running, Clarke's attempt at covering her cries. He ran his hand against the black and white image and attempted to hold back his tears.

"Clarke, please talk to me." He heard her sniffle and clear her throat.

"I thought I told you to go." He sighed.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me Clarke." Bellamy heard the shower being turned off and the door being unlocked, he rose from the floor.

"Just go Bellamy, I don't get why you're still here." She brushed passed him and towards her bedroom. He followed her wary that she may slam yet another door in his face.

"We need to talk about this Clarke." She turned quickly and stared at him.

"What do you want me to say? Our baby's dead! Dead!" The tears were forming in both of their eyes.

"Clarke-"

"This is what we get for everything we've done Bellamy. We were fucking each other behind everyone's back and we actually believed that we would be good parents, what kind of fucked up dream is that?" He stood there, astonished at what he had just heard.

"Don't you dare talk about our baby like that? Whatever we did and however this baby was conceived is not the reason why we lost it. After everything we've been through in our lives, this baby was not a punishment, it was a blessing and I refuse to believe that you actually think like this." The anger her felt rose until he couldn't contain it anymore.

"Don't tell me how to think." Her voice was quiet. He stared at her for a moment before he couldn't stand to look at her anymore.

He left.

She cried.

He cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, now that I've finally finished Loss of a Friend I can concentrate on this, hopefully. Please comment and tell me what you think, I love the support from every single one of you :)


	6. Pain like This Never Seems to End

Pain like This Never Seems to End

**Bellamy – 03:17**

**Just talk to me**

**Bellamy – 03:19**

**I’m hurting too, you know?**

**Bellamy – 03:23**

**Clarke, please**

**Bellamy – 04:01**

**Neither of us should go through this alone**

**Bellamy – 04:02**

**I can’t tell O, she’d kill me**

**Bellamy – 04:03**

**Lincoln would tell O**

**Bellamy – 04:04**

**Jasper and Monty would ask too many questions**

**Bellamy – 04:05**

**Emori would tell me to drown my sorrows**

**Bellamy – 04:06**

**Miller would try to fix it**

**Bellamy – 04:07**

**Clarke, I need you**

**Bellamy – 04:08**

**Please**

**Bellamy – 05:39**

**I haven’t slept in days**

**Bellamy – 05:40**

**I’m guessing you haven’t either**

**Bellamy – 05:43**

**I’m on the fifth season of Friends**

**Bellamy – 05:44**

**I like Ross but how do you say the wrong name at your wedding? So awkward**

**Bellamy – 05:45**

**Please tell me that Janice never comes back, her voice goes through me**

**Bellamy – 05:46**

**I honestly think I like all of the friends, which is weird because I can’t even say that about our friends ;)**

**Bellamy – 05:54**

**Ross – a nerd, much like myself**

**Chandler – the funny one – much like myself**

**Joey – could eat a house and still wouldn’t be full – much like myself**

**Rachel – accidently kisses her boss – much like myself – remember? – my first ever interview ;)**

**Monica – OCD – much like myself – everything has its place**

**Phoebe – is an amazing songwriter – much like myself ;)**

**Bellamy – 05:59**

**I wanted to say that Joey and I are alike with women but that would’ve been awkward**

**Bellamy – 06:01**

**Especially as I can’t even get you to answer me**

**Bellamy – 06:03**

**I’m begging you Clarke**

**Bellamy – 06:04**

**I really need to speak to someone**

**Bellamy – 06:07**

**You know what I’m going through**

**Bellamy – 06:08**

**I meant what I said, I would’ve been there for you and the baby**

**Bellamy – 06:09**

**I wouldn’t have left you**

**Bellamy – 06:10**

**I mean it, I would’ve been there for everything**

**Bellamy – 06:13**

**First word, first step, first haircut, first smile, first laugh, first day of school, first boyfriend/girlfriend, first broken heart, graduation, wedding. Everything**

**Bellamy – 06:14**

**I don’t care that we were never together, this baby was ours Clarke**

**Bellamy – 06:15**

**That baby would have had two parents that loved him/her more than anything in the world**

**Bellamy – 06:15**

**And a whole lot of crazy uncle and aunties, with only one blood relation ;)**

**Bellamy – 06:16**

**I guess what I’m trying to prove to you Clarke is that you’re not alone in this, you have me and a crazy surrogate family that would help if we told them**

**Bellamy – 06:17**

**I know what I said about not being able to talk to any of them, but I don’t want to tell them if it would hurt you**

**Bellamy – 06:18**

**It’s not only my secret to tell**

**Bellamy – 06:19**

**Believe me, if everyone knew, I’d tell the world about our baby, no one would forget about him/her**

**Bellamy – 06:22**

**I have class soon**

**Bellamy – 06:23**

**I sit and speak about history all day and how it affected the world, yet I have no one to speak to about this, how this baby affected me**

**Bellamy – 06:35**

**I never even met this baby and I love it Clarke, I love that baby Clarke and I never even got to meet him/her**

**Bellamy – 06:48**

**I’ve never felt so alone**

 

**Bellamy – 06:52**

**I should really leave you alone**

**Bellamy – 06:53**

**It’s not fair on you**

**Bellamy – 06:56**

**Forty messages in the space of three and a half hours is a bit excessive**

**Bellamy – 06:58**

**I’ll leave you alone**

**Bellamy – 06:59**

**I’m here for you Clarke, God knows I need you too**

**_Three Days Later_ **

**Octavia – 12:02**

**What happened to meeting me for lunch?x**

**Octavia – 12:34**

**Ok, usually I would leave you to your life but Lincoln says that you haven’t been to work in days. Please just answer the phone x**

**Octavia – 13:42**

**I know you said you were fine on the phone, but you don’t sound it, I’m coming round with reinforcements (ice-cream and Raven)**

**Raven – 23:59**

**What did you say your ex booty call was called, want to send cyber abuse ;) x**

**Raven – 00:00**

**Still can’t believe you had a booty call and none of us knew about it btw ;) x**

**Raven – 00:02**

**Who calls their kid Edmund these days? Where’s he from, Buckingham Palace? Did he thank you after every time you had sex? Please tell me he did? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha x**

**_Two Weeks Later_ **

**Bellamy – 22:04**

**O mentioned that you all went out tonight, I’m glad that you’re getting out of the house**

**Bellamy – 22:05**

**It’s nice to know that you’re ok on the outside at least**

**Bellamy – 02:03**

**Plz anser the fone Clrke, I need 2 speek 2 u**

**Bellamy – 02:05**

**I miss u**

**Bellamy – 02:09**

**I miss t way u use 2 screem mi name in bed**

**Bellamy – 02:14**

**U hve 2 miss t sex 2**

**Bellamy – 02:25**

**It wz so gud**

**Bellamy – 02:33**

**Wanna cum ova > 1 lst tyme**

**Bellamy – 12:23**

**I’m so sorry about last night, I can’t apologise enough. I’d had too much to drink and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I never shouldn’t have prepositioned you like that, it wasn’t fair.**

 

**_Six Weeks Later_ **

**Bellamy – 18:12**

**I know that you told Tavia and Raven that you’re ex ‘booty call’ keeps bombarding you with texts and calls. Tavia went on a rant about how inappropriate it is**

**Bellamy – 18:13**

**I tried to stick up for Edmund (seriously?) but apparently he has no valid reason to still be contacting you when everything’s over**

**Bellamy – 18:16**

**I’ll stop texting and calling, I know it’s annoying you**

**Bellamy – 18:17**

**I just want to speak to you one last time Clarke and I’ll leave you alone**

**Bellamy – 18:18**

**Please**

**Clarke – 19:24**

**What do you want me to say Bellamy? That everything will be alright? That every time I think about it, it rips me up inside? That I miss you? Because I do. But every time I think of you it reminds me of what we almost had. Do you know how much it took to stop myself from coming over to your place when you were drunk? I wanted to be with you so much that night, I stood at my door for ten minutes wondering whether I should or not. I can’t do this anymore, I think it will be for the best if we just avoid each other. I’m sorry Bellamy**

**Bellamy – 19:30**

**Ok**

**Bellamy – 19:32**

**I’m sorry Clarke**

**Bellamy – 19:34**

**I hope it gets easier, and that the pain will at some point end**

**Bellamy – 19:35**

**For both of us**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed chapter, I got a case of writer's block. My last exam is on Wednesday so I'm hoping that I'll be able to post more. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, don't forget to tell me what you think :)


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